Before all this happened, I wasn’t happy. I did worry a lot. You always have to ask yourself, could you possibly do better if you weren’t with that person? Let it be a man or a woman that’s going through the same thing. Are you happy? Do you think you could do better on your own? Are you willing to take that risk? I could tell [potential perpetrators]: you’re going to go through probation, you’re going to have to go take classes. You’re going to have to tell everyone you lost your job because you went to jail. It’s never any fun getting put in handcuffs and have to go to court and your dad and sister are seeing you in an orange jumpsuit with handcuffs on.
I feel guilt as in what could I have done differently to not have ended up where I am. What could I have done to save my marriage? What could I have done differently to make her happy? To make myself happy but still be there? But at the end of the day I feel guilty because now my son has to deal with this, constantly going back and forth between mommy and daddy and not understanding what’s going on, it’s not his fault. But you have to wonder does he think it’s his fault? I look at him and he looks so much like me, I just want him to be so much better than I am.