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Social Justice: Domestic Violence Intervention

25 images Created 25 Mar 2019

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  • VICTOR, 35<br />
<br />
I watched my father abuse my mother all the time, verbally, physically, and at times now at 35-years-old I catch myself acting like my step-father from all the abuse. I resent my mom which carries over to some of my relationships where I feel like I resent women because my mom never protected me growing up.<br />
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I can't blame everything on my step-father or my mom because ultimately I make my own decisions and nobody should be able to make me angry no matter what the situation is. I make myself angry, and I can't control nobody but myself.<br />
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I have issues right now but a year from now, every day I’m changing and learning and I don’t want to become worse than what I have been. I think that I’m in the process of change and I want to change so it starts with myself.
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  • VICTOR, 35<br />
<br />
I watched my father abuse my mother all the time, verbally, physically, and at times now at 35-years-old I catch myself acting like my step-father from all the abuse. I resent my mom which carries over to some of my relationships where I feel like I resent women because my mom never protected me growing up.<br />
<br />
I can't blame everything on my step-father or my mom because ultimately I make my own decisions and nobody should be able to make me angry no matter what the situation is. I make myself angry, and I can't control nobody but myself.<br />
<br />
I have issues right now but a year from now, every day I’m changing and learning and I don’t want to become worse than what I have been. I think that I’m in the process of change and I want to change so it starts with myself.
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  • DOMINICK, 27<br />
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You know I remember to this day, I honestly remember this, my little sister is four or three. Her going into the dryer and [my mom and her boyfriend] put it on and all I remember hearing is ca-clunk, ca-clunk. They tried to do it to me they tried to put me in the dryer, trying, trying, I’m so scared I’m like I’m not going to let them, and they’re like oh this fucker’s tough we can’t get him in there so they duct taped me to a bed for two days.<br />
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My mom, she’s a horrible person. She is worse than any person I’ve ever met in my life, and it’s sad because I want her to change. I don’t really think about it too much because it’s too hard you know. I don’t really tell too many people about it either because it is kind of embarrassing. Just like when my girlfriend said in the police statement that it was embarrassing I spit on her, and I kind of felt how she feels, you know. To be embarrassed from someone doing something wrong to you.
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  • DOMINICK, 27<br />
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You know I remember to this day, I honestly remember this, my little sister is four or three. Her going into the dryer and [my mom and her boyfriend] put it on and all I remember hearing is ca-clunk, ca-clunk. They tried to do it to me they tried to put me in the dryer, trying, trying, I’m so scared I’m like I’m not going to let them, and they’re like oh this fucker’s tough we can’t get him in there so they duct taped me to a bed for two days.<br />
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My mom, she’s a horrible person. She is worse than any person I’ve ever met in my life, and it’s sad because I want her to change. I don’t really think about it too much because it’s too hard you know. I don’t really tell too many people about it either because it is kind of embarrassing. Just like when my girlfriend said in the police statement that it was embarrassing I spit on her, and I kind of felt how she feels, you know. To be embarrassed from someone doing something wrong to you.
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  • JAKE, 40<br />
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It started out by me pushing her off the picnic table and then she took off running for the house and I grabbed her – best I remember I grabbed her by the throat and punched her on top of the head. After that there was some arguing and fighting. I grabbed her by the hair and drug her out in the field toward the swamp. I had intentions of killing her and burying her. I mean, it was pretty serious. And then I pulled the knife out of my pocket, told her I was going to cut her throat, which I didn’t. It took place over about an hour. It was quite a long, drawn out ordeal. My daughter saw it and my son saw it – he was about two, two-and-a-half at the time. My son, from seeing that, started to abuse his mom, hit her, call her a bitch and things like that after seeing something like that one time.<br />
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If I can just help one person not be a victim of this or one person not go as far as I did into this and victimize somebody like this, that would be great. If someone can listen to what we have to say here and you know it changes the way they think or they can help someone else that would be great.
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  • JAKE, 40<br />
<br />
It started out by me pushing her off the picnic table and then she took off running for the house and I grabbed her – best I remember I grabbed her by the throat and punched her on top of the head. After that there was some arguing and fighting. I grabbed her by the hair and drug her out in the field toward the swamp. I had intentions of killing her and burying her. I mean, it was pretty serious. And then I pulled the knife out of my pocket, told her I was going to cut her throat, which I didn’t. It took place over about an hour. It was quite a long, drawn out ordeal. My daughter saw it and my son saw it – he was about two, two-and-a-half at the time. My son, from seeing that, started to abuse his mom, hit her, call her a bitch and things like that after seeing something like that one time.<br />
<br />
If I can just help one person not be a victim of this or one person not go as far as I did into this and victimize somebody like this, that would be great. If someone can listen to what we have to say here and you know it changes the way they think or they can help someone else that would be great.
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  • RODNEY, 51<br />
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If you're in that kind of relationship man you’ve got to get out. Out immediately, out before something bad happens, you know, [before] you kill somebody...What would I have done if I would have killed her that night? I would be sitting in prison. My kids would never see me again. How do you deal with that? <br />
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The best thing, go there and just be honest. Just tell it the way it is. Don’t go there and try to sugarcoat it, ‘oh I didn’t do this and I didn't do that.’ I just told it the way it is.<br />
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I would be receptive to somebody that talked to me letting me know of a situation that they had been in and what it did to them. Because of what they had done. And probably somebody that would slap me in the head and get off the goddamn booze, you know. But I would want somebody who really knew what they were talking about.
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  • RODNEY, 51<br />
<br />
If you're in that kind of relationship man you’ve got to get out. Out immediately, out before something bad happens, you know, [before] you kill somebody...What would I have done if I would have killed her that night? I would be sitting in prison. My kids would never see me again. How do you deal with that? <br />
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The best thing, go there and just be honest. Just tell it the way it is. Don’t go there and try to sugarcoat it, ‘oh I didn’t do this and I didn't do that.’ I just told it the way it is.<br />
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I would be receptive to somebody that talked to me letting me know of a situation that they had been in and what it did to them. Because of what they had done. And probably somebody that would slap me in the head and get off the goddamn booze, you know. But I would want somebody who really knew what they were talking about.
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  • TYLER, 26<br />
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In the military I was in charge of seven soldiers and I was direct. Brutal. It’s how you’re trained to be. This doesn’t translate though in the civilian world, especially with someone you love. You know it wasn’t until this class I realized how verbally abusive I’ve been my entire life – to every girl I’ve ever been with. <br />
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This [batterer intervention] class has opened my eyes to a lot of things. When I pictured it in my head, I pictured these big beer gutted dudes with wife beater shirts on. But after learning more about it, 1 in 3 women, there’s not that many of those guys out there. It’s not like they’re all from trailer parks. 1 in 3 women – that means there’s a lot of guys just like me.<br />
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My definition of a man has completely changed in the past year. I don’t know if I’m a man yet based on that definition.
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  • TYLER, 26<br />
<br />
In the military I was in charge of seven soldiers and I was direct. Brutal. It’s how you’re trained to be. This doesn’t translate though in the civilian world, especially with someone you love. You know it wasn’t until this class I realized how verbally abusive I’ve been my entire life – to every girl I’ve ever been with. <br />
<br />
This [batterer intervention] class has opened my eyes to a lot of things. When I pictured it in my head, I pictured these big beer gutted dudes with wife beater shirts on. But after learning more about it, 1 in 3 women, there’s not that many of those guys out there. It’s not like they’re all from trailer parks. 1 in 3 women – that means there’s a lot of guys just like me.<br />
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My definition of a man has completely changed in the past year. I don’t know if I’m a man yet based on that definition.
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  • TEDDY, 21<br />
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See if I got a girl pregnant I want to stay with them for the rest of my life. That's how I am. And I want a healthy relationship and I want to take care of my kids. The only problem that I think of with me having a kid is that I don’t want to be abusive towards him. Cause when I was a kid when I talked back, when I did something wrong I got hit you know. I said this in class before–I got beat so that’s the only thing I know.<br />
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I believe I just smacked her. I don't remember why I did it or what happened. In the past her last boyfriend literally beat the fucking shit out of her. When I first met her she had blood all over her walls, her blankets were stained with her blood, her carpet was full of blood. So I got her all brand new sheets, brand new bedding stuff, I cleaned up all the blood off the carpet, the walls. I don’t like hurting people at all. Like I have a big heart you know and I’m a nice guy I just don’t like hurting people. What do you think about guys that hit women?
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  • TEDDY, 21<br />
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See if I got a girl pregnant I want to stay with them for the rest of my life. That's how I am. And I want a healthy relationship and I want to take care of my kids. The only problem that I think of with me having a kid is that I don’t want to be abusive towards him. Cause when I was a kid when I talked back, when I did something wrong I got hit you know. I said this in class before–I got beat so that’s the only thing I know.<br />
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I believe I just smacked her. I don't remember why I did it or what happened. In the past her last boyfriend literally beat the fucking shit out of her. When I first met her she had blood all over her walls, her blankets were stained with her blood, her carpet was full of blood. So I got her all brand new sheets, brand new bedding stuff, I cleaned up all the blood off the carpet, the walls. I don’t like hurting people at all. Like I have a big heart you know and I’m a nice guy I just don’t like hurting people. What do you think about guys that hit women?
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  • DAKOTA, 24<br />
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Before all this happened, I wasn’t happy. I did worry a lot. You always have to ask yourself, could you possibly do better if you weren’t with that person? Let it be a man or a woman that’s going through the same thing. Are you happy? Do you think you could do better on your own? Are you willing to take that risk? I could tell [potential perpetrators]: you’re going to go through probation, you’re going to have to go take classes. You’re going to have to tell everyone you lost your job because you went to jail. It’s never any fun getting put in handcuffs and have to go to court and your dad and sister are seeing you in an orange jumpsuit with handcuffs on. <br />
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I feel guilt as in what could I have done differently to not have ended up where I am. What could I have done to save my marriage? What could I have done differently to make her happy? To make myself happy but still be there? But at the end of the day I feel guilty because now my son has to deal with this, constantly going back and forth between mommy and daddy and not understanding what’s going on, it’s not his fault. But you have to wonder does he think it’s his fault? I look at him and he looks so much like me, I just want him to be so much better than I am.
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  • KERRY, 53, SURVIVOR AND CLASS FACILITATOR<br />
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If you’re changing him, you’re helping her and you're helping the kids. And that clicked with me. So I’m really helping, not just him, I’m helping an entire family, and then another generation after that if I can stop the children from the boys from being abusive and the girls from entering into relationships where they become victims. And so that’s what hooked me.<br />
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How I measure success–biggest thing is empathy. Can they learn how to empathize?<br />
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I think when you show them a better way and you get them to use those techniques and they see that it makes a difference they’re more engaged in doing that and then they become hungry for more, for more knowledge and more techniques and everything. Because who wouldn’t want to feel good in their relationship?
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